Yes, he told me the story of his life early in the relationship. One of the things I liked about him was that he spoke so well of his ex-wife. Then I met her and I liked her too. I could see they weren't very companionable to each other. She was way tougher than him, and I mean that in a good way. He can be pretty child-like, someone who needs a leader to follow. I think she decided she needed a stronger man. (Also, one with a better pension plan.) She told me that she realized a few years into the marriage that he wasn't who she wanted to spend her life with. Then, when her kids were almost all grown up, she met someone she clicked with. I liked him too. In fact, my s/o liked him.

But his ex-wife did say my s/o had been a good father, very loving. Also, a good provider and helpful around the house. As I know, myself, he can also be immature. They got married real young, without knowing each other more than a month. They were two exceptionally good looking people. But a relationship needs more than that. I could never imagine the two of them holding an hour long conversation with each other. In the end, that's what a relationship is all about. Sounded like they had lots of fun when the family was young and then grew apart, as the kids grew up. They were both sporadic drinkers who didn't get along when they drank.

I don't know that I'm such a good person. More like I was naiive. I would now advise any young woman to run from any man with a substance abuse problem. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't, but, then, I was very in love. And there is no explaining that. Much more suitable men had come in to my life. But the chemistry happens when it happens.

I'm real sorry I blew it with his daughter. I never should have got drawn into the conversation about final arrangements. I don't live with him. That means I should have different boundaries with his children. Now things will be awkward with them and we'll just avoid each other, like we've always tended to do. We have different values, and there is no papering that over.

Also, my involvement with him didn't lead to anything good for me over the long haul. But it was better for me than being alone. I've grown up finally in some ways. I feel I'll be alright when he is gone, feeling pretty complete by myself. Right now tending to his needs gets tedious, at times. Moral support from his kids would have meant a lot. But I'll give up on that. I've done without it all these years. This is not really any big change.