I know that's the logical thing to do, but I just cannot bring myself to do it. Any steps back that I take will impact our friendship, and, although I understand your point, I really don't want anyone else, right now. At all. I only want him. And I think that - honestly - I would be doing myself a disservice to turn my back on such a great friendship, just because he is not interested in a romantic relationship. I know that I shouldn't waste my time waiting on someone, but I think he's worth it. Even if he never decides to take that next step, it will all be worth it, because he's an amazing friend. And I really don't want to lose that. Any relationship that we have - romantic or platonic - is a blessing to me. And he really has been a blessing for the past almost year. And I'm not ready to walk away from that. I'm not trying to be difficult. I know I posted this for advice, and I am considering and appreciating all of the advice that I receive. I truly do value it. I just cannot manage to let him go. Losing him would be the worst possible thing for me, right now. He is one of my triggers. As my psychologist says, I experience higher highs and lower lows than most people, and he gives me my highest highs and lowest lows. I cannot get rid of the lows without, also, sacrificing the highs, as well. And I cannot bring myself to do that. I've allowed myself to care about him too much, and - truthfully - I cannot say that I regret it, even with the pain and all of the lows. I do not regret it. I may regret this decision later, to continue being close friends, although I clearly have romantic feelings for him. And - if I do - that's okay. I've been working on being present moment, on allowing myself to feel things and acknowledge things in the current moment and not focus on the future or what may/may not happen. In this moment, I know that he is the most vital person in my life, and I cannot lose him. I love him. And - darn it - it is good to say that. It is good to let myself feel that. And, even if I regret it, I'm glad that I love him, because he's been better for me than he knows, than anyone knows, and even than I knew for a while, for too long. I love him, and I need him, and - platonic friendship or romantic relationship - I want him in my life.