Abusers will often label the person they are abusing as the one who's being abusive. That happened to me. Apparently I played mind games, controlled people and manipulated them to get what I want. I was a teenager and he was in his 40's and with my mother- OF COURSE I was the one in full control there. And 10 years later these things still get to me.
Somehow accusing someone of trying to be controlling can actually work to make themselves more controlling- you become more placid attempting to prove you've done nothing wrong, in turn giving them more control. A lot of the time they will be testing you, to see how far they can push you before they build up on the abuse. If an abuser attacked someone out of the blue during a seemingly great relationship, the victim would not be as likely to hang around as they would be if there had been months of manipulating them into believing they're worthless and deserve it. Abuse is a process.