I'm intolerant, people don't want me to be fake, but I am only doing that so I don't push my problems on others. I don't crack under any pressure to show my feelings to anyone. I get my *** kicked a lot and I just take it. I'll take a 100 beatings or more if I have to.

I'm going to cry and get mad about the pain, but I won't crack. People want me to spill my feelings, but they'll never get that. They should already know, I hate them. I seriously hate them, it's jealousy mixed with frustration of my lack of control of relationships. I don't talk to people, I guess my vibe of wanting love is overturned when I'm nice and I'm ignored, but when I'm genuinely upset I'm ignored and hated and feared from.

Man, it's this loneliness the lack of people showing their self being genuine with me when I show mine first then I go fake after they act all stupid. The feeling when I am at work being professional and people trying to crack me, it's like I don't know what to do.

I will self harm all I want abuse myself however just to get through my day by beating myself, and telling myself how worthless I am.

Being able to go to a therapist to vent isn't doing much, I'm angry, frustrated my life won't go the way I want, I am working ignoring and pushing everyone away who says they want to help, but put their crap in my mouth and tell me to eat it.

I feel like everyone thinks, I'm a defiant asshole, maybe if you perceive someone who made an effort to get to know you and you throw me away.

Do I have borderline? I don't know what's wrong. I'm constantly trying to figure it out. I'm told this and that and I don't have an answer.