Lately I've been doing a lot of work in therapy on csa and another trauma, both of which have nothing to do with my dad. But the other night, when I was about to fall asleep, suddenly I had the feeling and the thought of my dad kissing me. I could tell exactly how it felt, how his face felt, his lips, how he smelled, how it tasted, what his breath sounded like, what he looked like. But it didn't feel like a repressed memory that I had just forgotten, because I've experienced those. It felt real. It still feels real, like when I close my eyes I can feel it happening right then and there. There's no context, no background, nothing. Just the feeling of him kissing me on the mouth. I try and bring the thought back up, I have all of the sensory aspects of it. It feels just like reliving scenes from my other traumas. I shiver and feel like convulsing and covering my face every time I think of it, because it disgusts me. But I don't know if it's a memory, or a manifestation, and I'm not sure if I should trust it. He's only ever been emotionally damaging. I can't remember any time at all when we were in an inappropriate situation together, and he doesn't come off as creepy or anything. However, I hate it whenever he touches me or comes near me, and I've never known why. It makes me feel gross and I want to spit. But I'm so confused. I don't have any specific memories, or any memories of him at all really, besides this intense feeling. I don't want it to be real because it doesn't make sense, but it feels so real. Any advice would be helpful...