ShyPoetGirl, I am just so impressed by how articulate, well-written you are! That is a beautiful skill! And I think you are so close to making the decision to care about yourself, take care of yourself, for the fact that you are here writing about it. And everyone has written some really great advice in response!

I have found that one thing that makes me feel better is to step outside of myself and read the forums, read other peoples' posts and offer support. That is something you can do while you ARE in front of the screen :-) As others have written, it's what's in your heart that counts, and those people who look at you and silently pass judgement, well they don't know anything about what's in your heart, who you are.

Are there any elderly people in your neighborhood who have dogs that you could offer to walk periodically? That would be a good way to get started on some exercise, and exercise is a great way to boost your mood, boost your feeling of self-worth. And, you'd be helping someone else, which is always a good thing.

If you are indoors a lot, you may not be getting enough sunshine to make vitamin D, which can have a lot to do with depression/mood. I've known people who were tested to have a D3 deficiency. Another reason to get outside for a walk, to get some natural D. Also consider taking a D3 supplement. I know this sounds goofy, but it very well could play into things.

I wish you luck - we are all routing for you! You are worth it!