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A friend from PC and I have been talking about something, and I would like to see how other PC members feel about it. It pertains to the therapeutic relationship.
We all know that in t, the goal is for the client to resolve their problems with the t's support, and then go out into life and apply what they learn to other relationships. I get that. But in some cases, it doesn't seem to fit. Here's what I mean.
Some people go to t because they have a specific problem that they aren't able to accomplish on their own, such as maybe they want to quit smoking or they don't have good communication skills and are having trouble finding a marriage mate, or they can't manage conflict at work, or whatever. Those are specific things that a t can teach skills to that person about, and then they can go out into their real life and reach their goal or handle their specific problem on their own. They can teach the person who wants to quit smoking skills to quit, they can teach the person who doesn't communicate well how to do that, or give sound advice on how a person can handle a conflict with somebody at work. Once they have resolved the problem, or met their goal, they are ready to terminate.
But what about people for whom the actual "therapeutic relationship" is what is needed? When you terminate therapy, you can't just go out into the world and find that somewhere else. The t relationship can't be duplicated in real life! I know, because I have tried it with a friend before, and it was disastrous!
Most friends don't want to talk about stuff that personal or "heavy" all the time. They don't mind being a listening ear or lending support occasionally if you're having a hard time. But mostly, friends seem to just want somebody to hang around with, do fun things together, and keep the talk light. At least that's my experience.
On the rare occasion that a friend is willing to provide long-term support, I've found that there's usually something in it for them -- they tend to be rescuers or control freaks who then feel it is their responsibility to "fix" you and they can become quite controlling, almost like a parent, in expecting you to follow their advice. Or, others may be truly good friends with no agenda, but they find that talking about difficult or negative subjects is a "downer." It gets depressing, and friends get tired of hearing about it. This bodes badly for ones with problems such as anxiety, depression, or other personal problems that aren't quickly resolvable, if at all.
I wonder then, what are we supposed to do if what we need can be found only in the therapeutic relationship? How do we get to the point where we can terminate because we don't need that support/outlet anymore? What if we continue to have serious concerns in our lives, or deep things we need to talk to someone about, but it's not something that a friendship can provide? In many cases, we can talk to our h's. But we both know that there are some things that we would not feel comfortable to talk to even them about.
There is nowhere we can go in life and reveal our most deep and personal thoughts, worries, problems, etc., and know that it will be kept confidential and that whatever we say, our t will not get angry or judge us. No one except God alone. And yet he made people to have close relationships with one another. He made the family arrangement, brought his people together into groups to worship him, encouraged them to love and support one another. So it doesn't seem like it should be wrong for us to feel like we "need" the therapy relationship, if other relationships in life are not the right place to meet those needs.
It's great if somebody has a close relationship with their mom, as that would probably be a suitable place to get at least some of the necessary support. But many of us aren't close to our parents and/or they are not emotionally supportive.
What's the answer? Are we supposed to just reach a point in therapy where we just don't need to talk to anybody about deep or troubling things? I honestly can't see myself ever feeling like I don't need somebody to talk to like that. Part of the problem might be that I'm such a serious person who takes life seriously and the things that are on my mind most of the time other people would consider too "emotionally heavy," too boring, too negative, or TMI. But I'm not likely to stop being concerned with the deep issues and quandries of life.
Can somebody help me understand this? Any opinions or advice is appreciated.
Peaches
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