First of all, Thank you again for your help and encouragement. Sorry for the delayed responses, since I can only respond from my phone during the day, I have resorted to sending an email from work to my phone and copying onto the forum during my breaks.

After reading your comments I’m becoming concerned that my marriage may be over, as I do love her even though she may be doing these things to me. Is this also part of the problem that I still love her after all of this? Am I part of the problem?

To answer a few questions and possibly more, my wife and I met while I was in the US Army. I was on a mission in the UK and ended up meeting her. I missed her when I left and asked her to visit me when I lived in the states. After 1 year she was planning on going back to the UK, but I didn’t want her to leave. I asked her to marry me and we were married in the states a few months later. The marriage was great for about 1 ½ years up to the very day we arrived in the UK. I can’t remember if it was the same day we landed, or the next day, but she then ended up going out to the clubs for the next few nights. I recall one night I pleaded with her to stay in, almost on my hands and knees hoping she would stay home. It was a strange country with her family who I didn’t really know. Her parents got involved and my wife ended up going out anyways. My wife still brings this up to this day trying to say I was controlling her to stay in, to the point once we got our own house that she was afraid to go out as I would have an issue with it. I only had an issue as we were in a foreign country to me for only a matter of hours before she was leaving me alone with what were strangers to me.

As we lived with her family for a few months until we could afford a house on our own, her family also became a huge rift in our marriage. Her dad used to drink from the Milk carton, then offer me some, he used to leave a great deal of hair on the soap which I then had to use for a shower, they use spoons for stirring their tea and don’t wash them, they used to pass wind all of the time which made me have to leave the room on more than one occasion, belching, etc... Her family never tried to embrace my differences since I’m an American, they instead pushed for me to change to their way. While I was grateful that they let us stay, it would have been great is they were a bit more considerate. If there is ever a difference in opinion her family always wins over mine. If my wife asks me a question like how to get to a certain place, she will always ask her dad even if I know. Even though I know or have a way to get there, the in-laws way always seems to be the best in her eyes.

When we looked for our first house, this became another issue, as my wife didn’t want to live very far from her family. We ended up in a house about ½ mile away from her Mom and Dad. It was closer than I liked, but it was a nice neighbourhood in a decent house so we bought it. At that point I was glad to gain a bit of space from the In-laws which was a bonus for me. We had our ups and down, but nothing that I would really consider very bad. I still had access to all of our accounts, and didn’t feel like I was really being controlled in any way.

With one kid and another on the way we ended up needing a larger house to raise both of them in. This again raised the issue of moving too far away from the family. We found some nice houses 2 to 3 miles away, but to my wife this was too far. We ended up in a house which is only 12 houses away from them. This of course comes with even more issues. I find the in-laws come into our house a lot, but it is justified as they needed to get something for our kids. I often find the mail is brought in, sometimes shirts are folded, or other things moved. It’s an unsettling feeling knowing someone has been in your house when you’re not there. If I’m ill or if I end up going home for a minute this is usually is met with a call from my wife wanting to know what’s wrong as she had a call from her parents that I was at home.

When I leave work at 4:30pm I have exactly 30 minutes to make it home to pick up my kids from the in-laws who look after them 4 days a week after school. This can be a push with traffic at the end of the day. If I’m not home by 5:00pm or at a push 5:05pm, I am told I’m late, and again the wife hears about it. This adds fuel that I am cheating or having an affair if I show up 5 minutes later than expected.

It’s frustrating, but when my wife does have a go at me for cheating, or doing whatever wrong like buying fruit at the store for her that wasn’t on Sale (it amazing, but she yells at me for not getting a good deal when she sends me to the store on my own, or if I buy something for myself), I try to stand up for myself, but I’m only met with the reasoning that I’m arguing because she is right. I have never contemplated, or thought about cheating on her at all. I’m not allowed to look at any other women, nor watch any questionable moves such as who framed Roger Rabbit. The UK have these newspapers with a half-naked women on one of the pages, but they sometimes publish deals like 10 pounds off of shopping or such. I don’t normally buy them because I don’t want to, but also because I’m not allowed, but when there is a coupon in them I can buy it with her knowledge, though I have to give her the paper for her to rip out the page with the woman on it, then rip out the coupon, to then recycle the paper.

When I am looking at the web, I am met with some resistance. A few days ago I was looking at reviews for some kindle ebook readers thinking I might put it forward as a gift idea for me for Christmas. I was even looking at pottermore.com which is the official Harry Potter website. She isn’t very happy when I do anything like using my phone, or computer. I usually get the evil eye while she looks over my shoulder, asks me what I’m looking at and normally has some displeasing comment about it. Last night I was watching some DVD copies of Red Dwarf on the computer as she was watching the main TV, she started to yell out of the blue at me saying she “didn’t know what or who I was looking at on that thing!” I could only reply Red Dwarf which was the truth. I took out the trash on Monday and was asked “What was I hiding in the bin”. I then offered to get the trash back out for her to look at.

Before we were married I was a very active person who liked to run, sing for the local church, and enjoyed going out dancing. I used to be very much complimented on both, though my wife says I am a horrible dancer, and has always asked me to stop signing around the house. I lost a lot of self-confidence, though until I have been on here I never really thought about it much. Since I have been married I’ve gone from a skinny 170 lbs to almost 300 lbs. There is even an issue when I try to go for a walk or a run. I can usually go out for 3 or 4 days before I am met with the statement “I never give her a chance to go out for a walk”. So this causes me to stop, even though the wife never ends up going out. Later on in an argument either weeks or months later it is always brought up that I gave up doing this or that, when it was her that caused it.

I have two daughters with her, and to be honest I don’t like to think of what may happen if I’m not around if she ends up losing control. When my oldest daughter was only 4 or 5 she was throwing a fit on her bed and my wife yanked her back up dislocating her arm. My wife says it was to stop my daughter from hitting her head, but it’s still in the back of my mind. If we do divorce won’t it be likely that the kids will go with her? I just feel they would be so much safer with me.

Also about the car, it is our only one. I usually end up putting them on my name as I make more money and it’s easier to get the credit for it. We don’t normally get nice cars and have had some really bad cars in the past. Our current car is still used, but a lot nicer than some in the past, and I am trying to keep it as nice as possible for as long as possible. My wife doesn’t seem to understand that while I trust her to take good care of it, I don’t trust everyone else. She insists on parking next to the oldest cars, with very minimal space between them. We have had some really bad car door knocks in the past so I am trying to avoid this if at all possible (parking at the end of the parking lot, using the child spaces when our 5 year old is in the car, etc..). My wife works about 2 miles away from the house, where I work about 10 miles away. She also starts earlier, but finishes later (4 day working), so I end up taking her to work, picking up the kids, and picking her back up. I don’t think selling it is an option, as it would put both her and I at a hardship for not only getting to work, but also taking care of our kids.

Last night I spoke to her about not having access to one of our accounts, and wanting some financial freedom without being judged by her, or yelled at for trivial purchases (a bottle of coke and such). My wife said that it wasn’t possible and she needed to move out and separate from me for a while. When I mentioned that I would then need an account to safeguard my finances, she agreed, but only if she wasn’t with me. Was this another test? Why can’t she let me have some freedom and stay with me? Is that not the best option? She has stated she will be leaving on Thursday, but I don’t think she will follow through with it. I don’t think she can stand giving me any freedom.

With all of your help, I would like to think I am working on making things better, but it’s hard, I’ve made a life with her with kids. It’s hard to give all that up.

Thank you all again.