My granma died this morning. she was almost 91. she lived a long troubled but also happy life.

I feel the need to tell everyone i know about her death because i feel like i am honoring her and the loss i feel by talking about it. i do it both to share my pain and because i feel that if i didnt talk about it it would mean its not that an important event in my life.

she suffered of a heart attack 5 weeks ago and spent this whole time at the hospital. i went to visit her almost every day. i really did my best to help her, make her smile, make her feel important and loved. i always made sure to leave her with a goodnight kiss and telling her i loved her.

my regret is that the other day i told her i would pass by and greet her yesterday night, then plans changed and i was supposed to go visit her today at lunch. i didnt pass by yestreday night as i said i would. my mom went to visit her so she wanst alone, but still... i had told her i would have passed by and i didnt. i could have made it but since i was supposed to go today at lunch i thought i could avoid the stress of going for only say hi and stay longer today. i didnt make it. she died a couple of hours before visit time.

they called from hospital to warn us we better go there, but she dies so quicky we didnt make it. at least she didnt suffer but im sorry i didnt go yesterday night as i said and we didnt make it today to be with her during her last monents of life.

i know she loved me and im sure she knew i loved her. i thought that would be enough. i thought i was prepared. we knew it could have happened any time since she was at the hospital. i thought doing everything right could have somehow kept me from feeling so much pain. it helps but its still hard. i know it will fade, but its hard now.

i hope she is fine now and we'll meet again after death.

Thank you granma for everything. i love you and you'll always be in my heart.
Rest In Peace.

Thanks for reading. it means a lot to me.

Hugs to everyone going through the pain of a loss of a loved one