My guilt isn't so much from talking about it – although honestly it's not something I like doing – but from how angry I'm feeling lately. I keep telling myself it's not his fault, he's got an illness like any other, but honestly sometimes I just can't make myself care anymore. And that's where I really start feeling awful.

I'm just feeling so much resentment at the moment - his job was really getting him down so he switched to part-time, to give him more energy and time to look for something else. Perhaps you can guess where this is going: all that extra time just means more time lying in bed.

I used to feel more sympathy, but at the moment he's also so angry. sophiesmom, I understand what you mean about feeling numb, when I went through depression that was exactly how I felt. I just didn't care about anything – I remember my folks losing it with me one day when i'd answered "don't care" for the 1000th time, and I just stood there, not really understanding them (that has changed with time!) and still feeling nothing whatsoever.

His depression seems different, he's suddenly become this incredibly angry person, but manages to be angry with me and needy at the same time. As in he'll be an (expletive), but if lose it with him, he instantly switches to being upset and needing reassuring.

It's also our "roles" seem to have swapped - he used to be the spontaneous extrovert, and I was the organised introvert. We both valued independence, in ourselves and in each other. I always tended have alone time when I needed it, because he had loads of friends he could hang out with when I just wanted to read my book. Now of course, he doesn't want to see anyone anymore, but seems to think we don't spend enough time together either (as I work from home, and he currently only works two days a week, I disagree).

Anyway, lost my temper today and shouted some rather painful truths at him - I know the fact that they're true make them a lot harder for him. Look I'm not a saint, I've never been a patient person, but I really do try with him - the problem is I fail constantly and that's where all this guilt comes from. I worry I'm making things worse, and prolonging things – how do other partners cope with this?