I had another meeting with my therapist yesterday, it was fairly heavy going but near the end I was asked to bring along to next weeks appointment what I though was a normal person ... well the head cranked into overdrive and I did not sleep AT ALL last night .... All I could think of was an answer to this question .... I hope you dont mind me posting my reply , its a bit highbrow and I cannot believe I have written this of the top of my head ( honest I did ) , but would like to ask some feedback as to what you think of my reply .... to me it makes sense , but does the what I am saying makes sense to you ? PS Dont be to hard if you can help it , Im an emotional borderliner , but happy to hear any thoughts or suggestions you may have ...or if you agree or disagree with what I have said:
What is a normal person
Completed 04/11/14 4am
(In my own words, without referral to the internet ….)
A normal person is very much like a building, i.e. it’s whatever you make or create it to be. However, like everything created, certain laws have to be adhered to, for it to sustain its very existence and purpose.
For example, it would be unwise to build a structure on soft or unstable ground, similarly people shouldn’t (but often do) build their lives on loose or soft emotional foundations which are often caused by their upbringing, events, or traumas that occur in life. To this effect, they have no choice but to continue to build, as to not to build is to not live. It could be considered that this one thought could be one of many reasons for many mental illnesses that have developed because of this very reason, but this requires much further research than my brief overview I write today.
The fragility of the human mental builds can therefore be that complex, that it could be comparable to the differences between every grain of sand on every beach in the world. In this respect there is no norm. However, as previously mentioned, certain laws still must apply for a person to function.
To take the example of a building and a person further, I am going to make the assumption that in my situation perhaps, ( and it is a perhaps) my foundations may not be as stable as another person so therefore my structure is more prone to weakness and cracking, and in some instances falls over completely now and again. Likewise, many other people experience the same issue, so I am not alone.
The question that needs to be asked is, “Do the majority of others have solid foundations”? As discussed the answer is no. Within the above examples there is “no norm” shown as there exists no firm evidence. At this point “normal” can only be a perception of another person at any given moment in time.
Structures and Normality
I have spoken of the variants of sand versus people difference’s and building foundations and emotional foundations that we all build at some stage in our lives . I would consider it feasible then that because of the variants discussed, and the existence of possible poor emotional foundations, building being evident people in general “conform or project “the perception of “normality” . This is not to say that there may be weaknesses or turmoil from within these people in general , but I think it is a fair percentage that follow a “normal “ expected routine of thinking and feeling events, that either they are able to control , ( or have the ability to control better than other people who are less able to do so )
Normality and Self
At this present time my structure may be weak and perhaps even damaged or broken. In this respect, I have now called in a structural engineer (therapist) to assess the actual cause and what can be done to eliminate further problems, if one or more exists. This may mean consideration of a complete rebuild, or underpinning of weak foundations and beliefs, or indeed replacement parts (thoughts) that are also weak or need replacing. It may be the situation that certain elements (emotions, feelings, reactions, etc.) may have even been missed at one stage of the development human emotion build for whatever reason.
Normality and Gravity
Having discussed structure, I now look at gravity in relation to the build of a person’s emotions, feelings, thoughts, genetic make-up etc. If one defies the laws of gravity then the item or person will fall, UNLESS there is adequate or additional support .This is common knowledge.
Its arguable then to suggest that if the permutations are indeed that different like the grains of sand example, and the assumption that many people may have built many lives on weak or unstable foundations , then “why isn’t everyone falling over “?
The only reasoning I can consider rational is that there must be some basic and fundamental existence of “normality” for people to function ( either controlled or suppressed uncontrolled) and this can be observed daily with people conforming to meet there own needs and those of society . For example many people go to work to pay the mortgage, buy food, clothes, etc. .They may not want to work, but follow their survival instinct to achieve such goals, despite the possible fragility of the build or foundation of that person from within.
To a certain extent, society relies on a good percentage of” normality” to exist, as if “normality” didn’t exist at all, then chaos would ensue. In some cases, we have often seen or experienced it either via the media or indeed personally, i.e. assaults, attacks, murders. Although we see or hear of these daily, as a whole, this is NOT the “norm” of everyday society and on an individual basis.
Conclusion
Whilst it cannot be truly said that “normal” exists for everyone, there are certain elements within certain people that do exist and therefore are accepted as “normal” behaviour at that moment in time. As time shifts , so can “normality”, and a person that may appear to be normal during the normal working day may develop weaknesses by the end of that day or when their projected persona is removed by the very person that wears it .
In an ideal world , “normal” I would suggest , would be to happy, content, joyous, light-hearted , stress free, feel love for one another , be vibrant, bright, no cares or worries , the list goes on . However in reality we all know many of these desires do not materialise hence the differences in all of us, as these parameters are variable, and shift with life events and pressures surrounding us.
Finally , no matter how the structure of a person has been built ( taking in the foundations that it’s been built on and its possible inherent weaknesses from within) “Normality” needs to exist in some form to enable that person(s) to still function even at a very basic level (or more in some circumstances ) therefore this predictability “normality”? is more readily accepted by those who follow similar traits (mirroring) Whilst we have discussed the assumed “normal “ people still have flaws , their ability to cope still reflects their ability to use or have the knowledge of coping mechanisms that they have either learnt, built into themselves , to reduce the risk of structural / emotional failure as highlighted earlier .
Paul
Completed 04/11/14 4am