As geis said, no one here can tell you if it's real... I'm sorry you are experiencing it. I had similar stuff come up recently, and I have no way to confirm it either. It's disturbing not knowing, and it would be disturbing knowing too (at least for me). If it's real, it changes everything I "know" about growing up. If it's not real, then why am I coming up with such disturbing things?
I dunno. I hope you can at least find peace with it, and that you can stop experiencing it.