I've been more angry than usual at my parents lately. I just feel deeply that they don't truly care about me, though they say that they do.

When I was a child, I got yelled at a lot. I tried very hard to be the perfect kid, but due to my ADD I'd inevitably forget my homework or miss the bus sometimes, which would lead to severe disappointment from my mom. When I made her mad, I'd tell her I was sorry and she'd say "sorry doesn't cut it". Once when I was crying because of how her yelling was making me feel, she told me to "stop that balling".

When I got older, she yelled at me less, but my parents were still invalidating. When I was 11, I first started having psychiatric symptoms. While I don't have OCD now, that is what it looked like back then. I washed my hands 30x per day, until they bled. I thought that evil spirits in the basement had kidnapped my dad and if I didn't fold the towels a certain way they would hurt him. When I was 12, I had my first psychotic break. I was very ill, but they didn't even notice, let alone get me help.

When I was 16, the depression got to a point where I wanted to see a therapist. It took all my courage to ask them to take me, and even then they thought that I should talk to the pastor of our church instead. When I finally convinced them to let me see a therapist, I had no say in which one I went to see. They went with this therapist recommended by my pediatrician, who was not a very good fit for me. After 3 sessions, they started complaining about the cost and the stress from having to drive me over there once a week (I didn't get my license until I was 18). I knew that I needed help, but to please them I agreed to stop seeing the therapist.

When I was 17, I wanted to participate in a summer program for teens interested in science at a good university near where we live. My parents told me that they couldn't afford it. I know how much they make; assuming a tax rate of 40%, they still take home well over $100,000 per year. They could afford a $3,000 science program that would make their daughter happy.

This persisted when I was applying to colleges. I was accepted to my first choice college, but my parents again refused to pay for it, claiming they couldn't afford it. They never even bothered asking me why I wanted to go to this school so badly. They just invalidated my feelings about it by telling me that "I could get a good education anywhere". Yeah, maybe...but my college experience would have been different at a prestigious university, I probably would have made more friends, and I'd have the pride of having gone to that university for the rest of my life. Not to mention the fact that I had worked very hard throughout high school for the privilege of being able to go to a top-notch university.

My parents don't accept my sexuality. It took me until I was 21 to even come out to them. I'm 23 now, and I still feel this animosity from them towards me over it. They use their religion as an excuse to not accept me. My mom claimed that after I came out, she read about alternative interpretations to the bible verses that supposedly condemn homosexuality and that she couldn't accept any of them. She must have not been trying very hard, because there are a lot of reasons to question what those verses are actually saying (believe me, as a bi Christian who has done a lot of research).

It is hard for me to even ask this question, because my parents have always been very resistant to criticism. When I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 19 (after making the effort to see a psychiatrist myself), the only thing they cared about was making sure that I didn't blame them for it. Forget about how I was feeling...

I am just very angry, and I want to know if it is justified. Most of the time, I am able to forget about everything I just wrote. From the outside, we look like the happiest family on earth; maybe we actually are.