I work for a local non-profit as a Benefits Administrator and I have been in this position for the last 11 months. Prior to this, I was fired from my last two jobs and my bipolar played a huge part in both. Today, I was told by my HR Manager that she feels like I'm not a good fit for this position and offered me four weeks severance and uncontested unemployment. While I appreciate the gesture, because I know very well that other employers wouldn't be so kind, I turned it down because I want to work. I just need to figure out how to work successfully with my bipolar.

I thought I was doing really well with my bipolar, but it hit me in the last few weeks that I'm not doing as well as I am portraying myself to be to others. It's like a have two of me - one that is trying to show everyone that I am fine and that I have everything together, and the one that is experiencing mixed states (again...). It doesn't help that my brother is an uber-successful dentist and I am the complete opposite in every sense of the word. I have expectations for myself and I find that lately I am not meeting those.

I am thankful that I have a great therapist and pdoc, who I am seeing tomorrow. I haven't seen him since I realized all this, so it should be an interesting appointment.

I'm sorry for the long post... I just don't know what to do anymore.