Thank you for your kind words of support everyone however i cant help feeling like absolute and utter rubbish. My way of coping is by shoving food down my throat. Im filling that deep empty void inside of me by punishing myself through eating. Of course its a catch 22 situation. The more i eat, the more weight i gain and the more i detest the sight of myself and my lack of control. By my out of control eating I'm just reinforcing those feelings that I'm worthless and don't deserve anything good to happen in my life. My motivation to do anything has hit an all time low. At some stage i have to move out of the family home and find someplace to live and if im accepted will live on a disability pension for the rest of my life. Its not exactly the life i had envisioned for myself 20 years ago when i married my soon to be ex-husband. The morning and the night time are the worst times for me. As i said i cant motivate myself to do anything for the day. But the evening is where the real hell lies. Thats the reason i eat myself into oblivion. Those feelings are so painful to face and i have never ever felt so alone in my life.