Your T is right... if you have been there yourself, you can go there with your clients. That's the sign of really good, authentic therapist. But , the clients won't know the details about your past, just that you are able to empathise and show profound understanding. She's right, not all therapists can do this... exactly because they haven't experienced these deep emotions before.

Strength and stability in a T is the client's fantasy/transference... it's an ideal, it doesn't mean you have to be that all the time. T's are human, and sensitive humans at that Also though, you do have these attributes, precisely because you have survived all that you have been through.

Please don't be disheartened but do talk about it with your T. I think it is more about self disclosure than who you were/are and what you've been through.