Mouse, I so could've written what you did in your journal! Whoa!
I remember the time I came to the realization that ''my therapist cannot rescue me'' from the past. (I used to think that being with her twice a week she was gonna rescue me....).

The first dream I had with t in it was a scene in which (abuse) occurred and t was sitting there in the living room (in my childhood home) and did not intervene! Did not stop the (abuse)!

You need to self-nurture as much as you can...I know it can be difficult with the responsibilites of wife and mother....but it goes a long way in soothing the inner child...a massage...a stroll in the mall....a walk in the botanical garden....whatever soothes you....

Take gentle care,