Hi my name is Danielle. I have never blogged before but I have always read them. I have been dealing with bipolar type 1 and borderline personality disorder for 3 long years. I have been hospitalized 2 times and have had many medication changes. I am using this to reach out for help. I have more manic episodes than I do depressive ones. At this present time o am manic and have been for 4 weeks. I am in the middle of a med change and I don't sleep. I sleep for 2 hours a night. I was to my Dr today and expressed to them how I was feeling, I expressed that I felt invincible and that I don't trust myself because of how impulsive I am. I have a really hard time accepting that I have this disorder, my family is in denial about that his and blames it on hormones because of other problems I have medically. This makes it hard on me because I constantly have them telling me it's all in my head and I need to get a grip and snap out of it. It's so much harder than that, if that were the case I wouldn't be in this state of mind. I recently started a new job and I have a boss who likes to well I don't really know how to put it but wants me to be this skinny girl and constantly telling me I'm overweight and I need to diet. Well easier said than done being on psych meds. This really hurts my self esteem. It's low to begin with.*
I see my therapist once a week. I called her today after my appointment and expressed my feelings. She is going to try and make me an appointment for tomorrow but if not then I have one friday with her. I'm not sure what to do at this point because I need help. I need to be healthy and stable. I have never been stable for more than 2 months. I have so much more to say but I will keep it at this.