I just turned 61 years old and have been widowed for 7 years. I have been married 5 times (first 3 before I was 21, each of short duration) then 17 years to my last ex and 7 years to my dearly departed. For the first time in my life I am living on my own without the emotional support of a significant other.
For the past 6 years (until about 3 months ago) I was in an emotional relationship with my first love, second husband, and father of my son. We live over 1,000 miles apart but were in regular contact via the internet. As our visits grew further and further apart and I sensed an aloofness from him, I finally told him I wanted more of our relationship, and he said he wasn’t able to commit. I cut my losses and pulled away. We are no longer in communication but I still think about him often and know if it isn’t him, it will be nobody. I have a 43 year old son with a wife and two kids who lives 4 miles from me. He (my son) feels that communication with his wife is the same as communication with him. It isn’t. If I need him, I am sure he would be there for me, but due to my having had a demanding, possessive mother, I don’t want to ask for his time or attention. I want a relationship with him but he is as emotionally disconnected as his biological father (see first paragraph).
I also have a 44 year old divorced daughter (no kids) fighting metastasized cancer who lives 1,000 miles away. I returned a week ago from a visit to her when she got post chemo results and had a modified radical mastectomy. I had a “melt down” over her wanting to resume activities 4 days after surgery that were potentially harmful to her recovery. On the spur of the moment I left and drove the thousand miles to my home. She has chosen her friends over her health or her family. That is where she wants to be and although it hurts I understand where she is coming from… just don’t want to see where she is heading. I have been supplementing her income for the past 6 months, but that will probably end the first of next month. I cut myself off from all but two very close friends for a week and then decided to let a chosen few back into my world. I am fortunate to be financially secure (but not rich), have 30+ years of past therapy (and currently in individual and group therapy along with meds for depression, stress, and bi-polar) to help me deal, and friends and acquaintances to help me hide my hurt. The loneliness of being single is almost too much to bear especially with the holidays coming up.