Like the Chinese say . . . something to the effect of be careful what you want because you just might get it.

You were attracted to your wife because you found her dominant personality made you feel kind of secure. She was attracted to you because she liked being with someone who let her take the lead. You both sort of got what you wanted, but now you are both unhappy with it. I think what's missing is the love.

I think if you were with a woman who was dominant, but in a nurturing way, you would be ecstatic. But maybe the only way you can really have that is if the woman is your mother. This woman you met filled half the equation, but she is more bullyish than maternal. (Even with her daughter whose arm she dislocated.)

This woman you married picked you as someone with whom she could have the control she wanted. But she is not sure what her goal is in having the control. She's not really a good leader.

It's kind of like when two really attractive people get married because each just loves how the other looks, but then they find out that there is nothing deeper than that, and the bond fizzles out. You and your wife were strongly attracted to each other because you each have this powerful emotional need that requires unusual dynamics in the relationship. She has to be in charge. You need someone to take charge. You found that in each other, but, down the line, you found out that there was not enough caring about each other.

Even though she doesn't seem to show you much love, you still feel in love with her because she meets this emotional need you have for a very authoritarian partner. You may not be able to change that need you feel, but it might be worth trying to outgrow it to some extent.

Since there are young children in this equation, what you decide to do has big consequences. You might need to stay in the relationship to protect them.

To get clarity and figure out your options, you need to acknowledge who you are and what you need. You sent out signals to your wife that say, "Rule me. Rule me. I need you to rule me." She can't really be free to stop ruling, until you become willing to rule yourself. You have to stop saying things like, "I'm not allowed to blah, blah . . . . . " You are infantilizing yourself. You are play-acting like you are a little tiny boy who has to do what Mommy says. You have chosen that role, and that's what you were looking for from the start of this relationship. You can't totally blame your wife for not respecting you as an adult, when you are so committed to inhabiting this role of being her little son. At some level you are, or were, getting a lot of emotional satisfaction out of this role playing. But it's not without it's negative consequences. You're going to have to give up something to get something new and different.

You probably need professional help to change this pattern of interaction. Start by talking to the doctor you see for ordinary health concerns. You might get a referral that could be of help.

Your wife really doesn't have much more power over you than you give her. The two of you are playing a game that you can refuse to play.