All my life, I have been strangely jealous of sick people. I know, it's absolutely horrible of me. My depression has effected my brain so strangely that when I see pictures of people I know struggling with illnesses and getting all the attention and affection I don't get, I get jealous. Seriously jealous. Not to the point of Munchausen where I make myself sick, but just envious. Part of it I think is that my warped brain thinks that being sick is the only way for people to care about me and give me attention. Growing up, my sister dealt with some serious issues and I got neglected a lot because of that. When I got older (like 10 or 11) and had my own issues related to being severely bullied and harassed, my parents were too burnt out from my sister to deal with mine. It's time for me to acknowledge that this plays into my jealousy of sick people. It's absolutely horrible that I need this sort of attention and that I want to play into the victim role.

I want to bring this up in therapy, but I'm too afraid of doing it and facing the judgement. I'm a terrible person for being SO jealous of people who are seriously ill and I don't have the anonymity that I have here.

Please don't judge me. Trust me, I judge myself for this a lot.