Rose's post got me thinking... "speaking to her about not having access to one of the accounts" is putting her in the maternal role. And, speaking in this way abrogates your rights and power just like that, in one sentence.

Both spouses should have access to joint accounts. Plus, you are a higher earner in the family. Why does she get to say that it is not possible for you to have access to the account into which your salary is, presumably, deposited?

And then you ask "why can't she let" you have some freedom and stay with you.

So in this question you, once again, are abrogating your rights. You give her the power to let or not let you have some freedom and then lament that she is choosing not to let you have that freedom. Well, as Rose said, her power comes from you, and each time you "talk to her about" or "request" or "ask" for something that normally would be yours, you only reinforce giving her the power. This is something that needs to be stopped. It is extremely difficult to stop it, for sure, but unless you stop it, she will dominate you more and more.

There is also the issue of her judgment. It seems to me that her judgment is intact and that her incessant suspicions are just clever tactics to keep you under control; it seems to so me because the interactions you describe between her and her folks all seem normal - maybe not palatable to you due to the lack of good manners, but not abnormal as in "severely paranoid". Still, there is a possibility that her suspicions of your having an affair each time you are 5 minutes late show poor judgment and perhaps some paranoia.