I just hate myself, just everything about me. I hate that I’m an introvert or an ambivert or whatever. I just wish I was outgoing and charismatic. Sure I love reading a good book or movie and don’t mind being by myself but I’d rather be surrounded by people doing crazy things. I want to be this larger than life person but at the end of the day I’m just me. Boring old me. I guess I can’t blame people for not wanting to be around me, I guess I wouldn’t want to be around me either. But that’s what I am, boring, worthless nothing of a person. Easily forgettable. Just nothing. My so called "friends" at my university forget about me all the time. Out of a group of about 15 people or more walking to a party, they forgot to tell me they were leaving and I had to walk alone. And now i'm not in any group chat anymore. We were all "squad" but I fell into a depression spell after not getting into a sorority. And since then I've felt excluded.
At my sister’s high school there was this popular girl who committed suicide and the whole school was upset, even other schools heard about it. Then there was this guy who felt invisible and said that he bet if he killed himself no one would care. He did shortly after, and no one did care.
I feel that if I were to die then that’d be me. Besides my family, no one would care.
Its so hard to get through the day sometimes. When Im high up in a building I look out a window and wish I could just jump out of it. That’d be a way to go.
I’m just so tired of trying when nothing seems to work. I try to be pretty, and funny, and to step out of my comfort zone, but at the end of the day I’m still invisible. After all that trying. Then there’s some girl who does nothing and everyone loves her. What am I doing wrong ? Whats wrong with me ?