F
First you acknowledge your thoughts are not good and that tells me you have insight. Honestly you are not a bad person. You are just struggling with stinking thinking which one way or another gets to lots of people with depression.

Please talk to your T about this, there are lots of techniques you can learn to help you manage negative and unhelpful thinking.

Be kinder to yourself and remember that you have an illness, even if the world can't see it.