Well, you said that it is not intentional that you are pushing people away, so I expected to read about social anxiety or subtle clues of negative disposition. And yet, you are describing fights - they are pretty intentional to me. Can you, as a stopgap measure, register your feeling threatened by another female and react to that feeling by not pursuing a relationship with her and not saying anything above formal pleasantries? You will be pushing away still, but in a subtle way, without fights. If you can get there, then from there you can take bigger steps along the lines suggested by Healing. The step I am proposing has two goals - to contain the damage and to show you that you are capable of controlling your responses. You may not control feeling threatened, but you can learn to control what you do in reaction to feeling threatened.