I am sorry jesusplay for your feelings. You must be in a very difficult situation mentally right now and you think you might escape the pain. It will take away whatever you don't like facing right now. Does it seem like the easier way out?

As we know this goes in cycles. Sometimes I've just wanted out. And I've seen no other way. But somehow, I have crawled out of the dark holes and in hindsight realised I just wanted the pain to go away, not my life. Have you ever been in this kind of thought mode before, crawled out of it, and thought I'm glad it didn't end that way?

I know that right now it doesn't seem that way but know that with proper support you can and will get through this.

Be well.