Lots of reasons why I don't want her to know I guess. She doesn't know I ever did it in the first place. I guess I'm afraid of her getting annoyed and leaving me. Or worse, staying with me and acting annoyed. My mom always said things like "you're not gonna go crazy and hurt yourself are you? I don't want to deal with that." Im just irrationally afraid T will react the same and think I'm too much. Not to mention SI comes with a lot of shame. It seems like I was making so much progress and I just went and ruined it. She doesn't even do trauma in her practice (she doesn't know I know that) yet she's made a continuous effort to help me and does research, etc. Just a lot of guilt here.