hi newjogo
well I think you expressed your feelings pretty well in this post. are you able to tell her these things? she wants to have a deep meaningfull discussions, let her know the games she is playing and how worthless she makes you feel. what kind of relationship do you have when she is pushing yu out the door once a month? she is insecure wanting you to fight and beg your way back. that is not a healthy relationship. nothing about this relationship is healthy. she wants it her way or there is a fight, but then you are spineless for not expressing yourself. there is no way you can win here. exactly why are you marrying her? put together a pro/con list and see the benefits and drawbacks. seek marriage counseling if you really want it to work.

welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome