Hi waterknob. it's really good news that you had such a great vacation and were able to "let go", you certainly deserved it!!!
But I can completely understand if you feel really deflated, despondant, depressed...........now??
So just a couple of thoughts...........do you think you could try not to let some of those feelings from when you were on vacation vanish, hold tight to them to help you through..........???
Maybe you have some photos or if not you could perhaps download some images, or maybe you have some images in your mind..........and when things are really getting on top of you just take a minute/a very short break, take a breath and try to let those images/memories "lift you" just a little. You were there, it was real, don't let go of that
And keep in your mind the next time you're going to be able to go there or some place else........."just" a matter of time until then.
And for the gossip/backstabbing, as much as possible try to "zone out", hey??? If there's nothing you can do about it at least try to step away, in your mind, from it as much as possible. I know it's going to be impossible to do that at time and it's got to be so demoralising at times but.......all you can do, hey??
And back to clocking down the hours until finishing time/s. When of course you can still come to tell us about things and get a little understanding/support, right??
So..........hope it eventually works out with getting your meds refilled and here if you want to talk............
Alison