You can also make an appointment to talk to the doc without an exam. Eventually they're going to want to do an exam because it's the only way to really tell what's going on, but you don't have to agree to it right away. I see an OB/GYN nurse practitioner who understands trauma issues, and we're working toward being able to do an exam...but she gets that I'm not there yet. In the meantime, she's done other tests (a CT and an abdominal ultrasound) to figure out my pain. (For me, it's ovarian cysts.) My first visit, she was totally hands-off and didn't pressure me at all. I think there are more and more docs, especially OB/GYN's, who are becoming aware of the legacies of trauma

I hope you can find someone good who can help you through this and give you some relief.