Let me do a quick introduction and background to begin with:

2 years ago I was admitted into a behavioral hospital for suicidal thoughts. I spent 3 weeks inside, and ended up getting way too close to a fellow patient and had a month-long affair after being released (we were released on the same day). It almost cost me my marriage. I was originally diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I switched both psychologists and psychiatrists about a year and a half ago. They both came to a different diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and my psychiatrist began modifying my meds. They both came to this conclusion because they are convinced I had slipped into a full-blown manic episode while in the hospital and at least a month after. I had never had anything like an affair, and it absolutely blew everyone I know away. I lost most of my friends, mentors, close family members...pretty much everyone but my amazing wife. I have 4 degrees including 2 Masters degrees from a seminary...not that that is anything that should shock anyone if they've watched any TV in the last 30 years. We seminarians tend to stray. I have since learned that I am not only bipolar, but a "rapid cycling" bipolar.

So, to my question...has anyone gone from a hypomanic episode to a full-on panic attack with uncontrollable weeping and shaking within a 5 minute span of time? That happened to me the other day for the first time. I swing all the time, but this was drastic and really really scary. I didn't even know I was hypomanic (I was tracking my mood as depressed) until my therapist told me the things I was saying point more to a hypomanic episode than depression.

I keep a very detailed and constant track of my moods, sleep patterns and medications, and I was convinced I was getting very good at tracking my mood swings. But now...I'm totally confused and not sure I know what is going on with me at all. My psychiatrist essentially said I wouldn't know I was hypomanic when I was hypomanic (or God help me...manic). I wouldn't know until either someone (ie. my therapist) told me, or after the fact looking back at the symptoms.

So here I am, confused and scared...and now something is flipping a switch that takes me from a 7 to a 2 in minutes.

Just as some added information, I have been having severe insomnia for the last 5 to 6 months (I went 36 hours without sleep the other day/night) that can only be controlled by taking 50 mg of Trazadone coupled with 50 mg of Seroquel at night...and a lot of times that doesn't even work. I have also recently began to think about "her" (that's what my wife and I call the woman I had the affair with) a lot more than I would like to, and I've been getting more and more irritated with my wife. I really don't like where that's headed.

Anyway...I just really wanted to interact with some other people dealing with being bipolar, because I think we are the only ones who can truly understand what each other are going through.

Thanks...