Thanks. I calmed down and talked to my RA friend. She thinks I'm so scared of violating this contract that I'm throwing my own mental health needs out the window. LCM won't just randomly leave me. She said just yesterday that she wants me to have consistent mental health professionals over many years and she wants to be one. Abandoning me suddenly would be completely contrary to that. I will probably text her again tomorrow out of fear. I probably threw her off guard and she said things out of anger to scare me. She said that when I binge drink, she feels taken advantage of. And I feel so guilty. I don't want to make her feel that way. She doesn't deserve it. I told myself I would stop drinking. Then I drank a bottle of wine. I don't know why this is so complicated for me.