I've talked to my therapist today and like she said, people I get close to no matter who always screw me over. I never get close and always alone because someone screws me in a big nasty way in some weird incident after another. Trauma on top of trauma like it's a regular thing, and I've only wanted a friendship to dissolve all of this a best friend that's so rare many people who have it don't realize how rare it is.

I only wanted a best friend who I new wont' leave me, she and i were talking about this. I've been so lonely more than ever, knowing everyone is drifting away like all adults and growing out of my shell of the groups who say they are my friends who really aren't and the people who are my friends for real, but don't talk to me or have time for me.

I only have those types of people to choose from, not one person who will be always here always knows me, if the person was a male we'd be like a gay couple or look like one, if it was a girl, we'd be considered married or dating like we are on honey moon phase, but we really aren't we like to mess around have fun and piss eachother off and we are inseperable. That's all I want before I die one person to fill that.

I don't care about anything else just that.