I went to the therapist yesterday with my husband and I'm feeling confused. I went to try and get direction on coping with my twin pregnancy and handle my depression, anxiety, and ocd. My husband went to get advice on how to cope with my illnesses. It was an hour appt and the therapist discussed several things with us. We talked about my medication and was it really necessary for me to take it. I've been on Zoloft and kolonopin for 15 years and stopped taking it within 2 weeks of learning about my pregnancy. I just started taking a small dose of zoloft again since my ob and another specialist suggested it. They also told me that I needed to do whatever it took to be in good mental health during the pregnancy, the benefits would be greater than the risks.
That is where my confusion came into play. When the therapist talked to me about learning how to manage life without medication and how this was a wonderful opportunity to rethink if I really needed medication, I got upset. I felt like I was being categorized as weak or a drug addict. I started to feel like she was telling me that for the past 15 years I was copping out and doing it the easy way.
When she asked me why I never tried any other way, I told her I got help this way and didn't think I needed to try another way.
I already feel so guilty that I needed to be put back on the zoloft and when she brought all these questions up to me I felt so bad. I didn't tell her how this made me feel because she was giving me and my husband good suggestions on other things.
I don't understand why some dr's look at medication as a solution and others look at it as a problem. I've always been ashamed of relying on medicine but now that I'm not taking what I usually take and struggling so bad I realize how much it really helped. Should I be embarrassed? Should I feel weak? Because I do. I'm in a fragile state. I'm afraid of being a mom soon and feeling like I've made bad choices. If I made bad choices for myself how am I supposed to make good choices for these twins? I feel so unfit, unprepared and hopeless.
Maybe I took her questions out of context and I'm just over analyzing everything. I have no idea. What is wrong with me?