I think you are being too hard on yourself. We are all created for a reason, to help the host. I guess you took a lot of the pain and abuse. I am guessing you also keep the thoughts of self loathing. Bottom line is you are a helper like it or not. You help the others by holding the anger and meanness. My guess is your cat puking reminded you that she is old and sick which makes you sad. That might have also caused you to think about your t. It is sad to hear that your t is sick and dying of cancer. This is someone who cares about you and someone you care about. Maybe you can write her a letter letting her know how important she has been to all of you. I am sure that would make her feel good. I hope you feel better and I hope your cat feels better soon. Take care.