I can't help but get flashbacks at the most random times. Especially when they ruin my happiness. Ofcourse I have to act like there's nothing wrong with him, but it's so hard to do that. He think's I'm upset with him for the something that's not remotely close to the fact that he constantly took advantage of me. I see him everyday, and sometimes I hug him to make people not see that there's something weird between us. But he tends to touch me inappropriately. That hurts. Sometimes I like to feel pain as a way to punish myself. I've tried cutting, but that doesn't help. I guess alcohol and drug abuse is one way. And then sometimes I'll tell my friends to randomly punch me in my arm to feel pain and forget about the past...