The first time I sought out the help of a T, I was screaming myself -- and everyone within hearing distance -- awake several times a night from night terrors and nightmares. I was driving everyone crazy, including myself, and I was given an ultimatum -- either get some help or be ejected from my living situation.

I was 19 and living away from home with the disapproval of my family, friends, the people I lived with and just about everyone else. Different reasons for that disapproval, but the general feeling was unanimous.

On a very basic level I had a problem that was so obvious, troubling and out of my control that I was about to lose friends and a roof over my head unless I did something about it.

I felt really angry at the ultimatum. I actually expected some sympathy and I wasn't getting any, which I understand -- rationally -- because everyone within hearing distance was having their sleep disrupted and that tends to make people short-tempered. I'd been dealing with this alone since I was about 12. My parents dealt with it by making me sleep on the other side of the house in a non-bedroom so I didn't disturb anyone else's sleep.

I actually did a cost/benefit analysis because I'd just learned about it in a class about decision-making. It looked something like this.

Costs:

1. Having to admit I had a problem (shame)

2. Having to feel the rejection and anger of my living mates (resentment)

3. Having to face the Really Unpleasant Things that were triggering the screams (fear)

4. Having to admit vulnerability (fear)

5. Having to trust (fear)

6. Having to show more concern and consideration for the people who were being negatively impacted by my problem instead of demanding they show concern and care for me because my problem was so bad (reciprocity and empathy)

7. Having to change my point-of-view from helpless victim to resentful volunteer who refused to get help (stubborn self-image)

8. Having to demonstrate to others I was making an effort (resentment, how dare they)

9. Hating to admit I wanted my living mates to like and approve of me and care about me (defiance, stubbornness, embarrassment, fear of rejection)

10. Having to admit my parents had hidden my problem and ignored it as long as it didn't bother them instead of trying to help me deal with it (sick to my stomach with feelings of rejection, shame, anger, abandonment and fear)

Benefits:

1. Possibility of better sleep without terror (relief)

2. Possibility of lessening of the negative emotions listed above (serenity)

3. Possibility of feeling okay with being rejected and having to figure out how to move with so little money (acceptance)

The short list of benefits far outweighed the costs. I found a therapist who helped me tremendously in just a few sessions. Through deft questioning, he helped me identify and name the problem and to see certain patterns that contributed to the night terrors. He also told me to see a neurologist.

Then he died suddenly.

I screamed every night for a week and then slowly it tapered off to maybe once every two - three weeks as I continued to use techniques he had taught me.

The most important thing I learned in that very brief therapy was that, for me, it's best to face my problems head on. I grew up being trained to hide everything and it was completely freeing to have this T tell me I didn't need to hide or feel ashamed or feel less-than. Yeah, I had problems, but there were reasons and I could deal with them without pretending nothing bad had happened to me.

That C/B analysis changed the direction of my life.