((Jane)), do you have a medication to help you sleep at night and bypass the dream state?

It's very inconvenient that this is surfacing right now and you don't have someone to talk to, that alone is very triggering. I am sorry that is happening right now for you too. Well, you are not completely alone because you do have PC. I know that is not a physical presence, however, it exposes you to others who have experienced this challenge and did work their way through it, even though it was so hard.

The experience you have discribed "is" awful and the individual was a horrible person. In an experience like that, it is hard to know what to do emotionally and the only thing you could do is your best to survive it. You "did" survive it, however, with something like that taking place even though one survives something is "taken" from them, that is their sense of safety and also how to trust anyone at all including one's self. That is a "normal" response to a trauma like that.

When something like that takes place, the warning signs can often be recognized "after" the event. But that is only because the person is in a place where they can review the entire event including the outcome. All of the aftermath, including what you are experiencing right now happens because this is what has to happen so an individual will
review and learn. This also takes place in society as a whole when a traumatic event takes place and that "sense of safety is lost". There is always the same questions about who the person was and "why" the horrible event took place and what were the warning signs that were missed. Along with that is the emotional challenge and "rememberance and mouring" too.

It's OK to talk about this challenge and review and you need to identify the "whys" and your emotions and that "yes" it was traumatic for you. When it presents itself like it is happening now? That is a flashback wave and these will come, crest, and receed. My T told me that I cannot stop them, but learn to understand it comes in like a wave, crests and receeds and do my best to ground myself, and acknowledge that "yes" that did happen, but it is not happening now and to look around me and allow myself to recognize that in wherever I am in the now. He told me that as I do that the strength of these flashbacks will actually get weaker. What you are doing right now Jane with talking about it is important because that needs to happen, but what also needs to happen is also acknowledging "not now" too. It is "ok" to say "it frightened me, it hurt me, I am angry, I am scared, and whatever you are feeling emotionally. It is very reasonable that you are also not ready to process this in your brain while you sleep too.
That is like trying to figure it all out on your own which you have not been able to do, that is normal. That is why you will need to repeat it as much as you need to until you have enough "I believe you" and "whys" and comfort for as much as you need until you have enough to finally get to a point where you are settled enough to find your way forward.

You do not have your T, but you have us, and we are real people and while I can't be there physically for you (really wish I could), we are listening and here as much as you need to talk it out.

(((Very Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE