OK, now that I have calmed down (barely), I can say that I see what you are all saying. I left him a message, and stated that I wanted to check-in. I told him in the message, that I did not want to talk with him on the phone. I asked him to leave me a message back. The results were: he left me a message back. Ok. Got it. Perhaps I put him in a weird position? Like he didn't know what to say. Obviously he wasn't going to say, "Call me back" or "I'll try you later," like he normally does when I call him and he gets my voicemail-- because I told him I didn't want to talk. Two times he said, "I will see you tomorrow night, Friday, at 5." Maybe he was just really trying to stress: don't worry, do not disconnect, it is true, things exist, you will see me tomorrow."

Whatever the case is, the important thing is that this obviously ticked me off big time. And I need to go with that. Because that's what's important-- the emotional reaction. And I need to figure out what it is I want from him, and why he makes me so mad.

Before class tonight, I tried to think about why I was mad-- okay, because he didn't give me what I want. Well, what do I want? I basically wanted him to hold me through the phone. To say something so beautiful to remind me that we were still connected. Something I would never forget. Instead I got, "See you tomorrow."

And then the transference. In my life, I have always wanted people to say more, and not just ignore what's going on with me just because they are afraid to deal with it, or they don't understand. When he left that message, it angered me so much because it reminded me of that.

Tomorrow's session should be an unforgettable one. Sigh.