hi Agatha
I am so sorry about your loss. I understand your questioning. I have been there. I am so familiar with the idea of being trapped in gods game. I held that belief for so many years. I was so lost and angry and hopeless. I was there for so long. but you cant give up on therapy. and you don't mention meds. that is what saved me. I knew I was going to be dead without them so I broke down. the right meds and the right therapist at the right time and my entire life turned around. I haven't felt I was part of gods game for years. I used to think this was all just a cruel sadistic joke he was playing on me for kicks and I don't see it that way anymore. don't give up. try a new avenue.