Uuuuurgh this illness can suck.

I was only diagnosed with bipolar when I was around 31 and my diagnosis of borderline personality disorder only came through 2 months ago at the age of 36.

You're questioning your diagnosis which I think a lot of people do. I know I did. I denied it after diagnosis for some time (bp) and put it down to this or that. Not taking meds after a short time did not serve me well.

Maybe you've never had true mania but maybe you could be on the lower end of the spectrum with nos. hey I'm no medical expert.

Do you trust your pdoc? Can you discuss with them exactly what you have written here and take it from there. See another pdoc for a second opinion if you think you need to.

But above all else, try keep well.