Wow! I didn't expect so many replies. Thanks, I'm glad that I'm not the only one that finds it weird (and hurtful!) when T doesn't reply.

Granite1 - Yeah, I get that. It's hard though to know whether some out-of-session contact should be included in the price (i.e. are you truly paying for just 50 minutes, or are you paying for treatment that might include limited support outside of those minutes?) Like Meganmf15, my T is expensive... so I think that he must have built some of that in to the costs. (And in fairness, I haven't ever called him, and only replied to the one email he sent - which we then talked about - I haven't initiated any non-administrative emails with him, although he's told me to call if I need anything, and that I could email to let him know how the trip was going.)

It's weird.

Depletion - (love the name!) I know, it's a little crazy isn't it? To me it feels very natural and human and polite to at least *acknowledge* the message, even if the reply is "Thanks for letting me know, let's talk about this more in your session". I might be frustrated with that, depending on what I had said, but at least I know that it got through and he saw the email!

Lauliza - thanks for this. The self-care part makes sense to me, I can see how a T could get overwhelmed if they have even just 20 clients emailing them. But it's a little frustrating sometimes to see people here who have Ts that encourage them to stay in frequent contact during the week. In some ways, I think I'd do better with a remote T, where you pay for each email, but you do get to work by email (and have some control over frequency of contact). I like writing. I am much better at writing then talking! And, when I feel rotten during the week... I don't always still have those feelings by the time T-day comes around, and to me there's a big split - it's like if the bad feelings are there this second, they never existed. Makes t stuff a bit harder sometimes.

Although, my T does, and will, read stuff. At least so far (I'm trying to not drown him in a thousand pages of my life story!). So, I think for me... if I'm feeling bad, it might be helpful to write to him on paper... while it's happening, then just bring it with me. I may try that. (Then I don't need/expect a response, since he's not seeing it.)

MeganMF15 - I'm with you. And I have an expensive, out of pocket T too (though I only see every other week, moving towards weekly starting this week). He's so expensive, I think surely he must have built in time for dealing with out-of-session things into his costs?

It doesn't help that I'm not sure what things are worth contacting T about. I haven't had anything that really made me feel like "I must get in touch with my T immediately" happen.

JaneTennison1 - I know you're right about things being misconstrued, especially in therapy. I'm good at misunderstanding things even in person, ha!

Stopdog - I agree with you, except... what if all of their clients were emailing them? Between sessions, paperwork, calls, and emails... I bet they could easily lose all personal time. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. (Yet, I can't understand how some people have Ts that are very good and allow this. I'm thinking of the woman who posts the "Boundary Ninja" blog - and says that her T encouraged her to contact her *whenever* so she could trust that he'd be there for her. I guess he only does that for clients that he thinks needs that level of care though, not all of them... still... that strikes me as so *caring*.)

Artemis-Within - re: "sit with it". Umm. How did you feel about that one? I agree that learning to cope with your own stuff is important, but... it just seems like there's a fine line between helping someone learn to cope on their own, and re-enacting the behavior of their emotionally absent parents, and making them ignored and unimportant. It's hard. I'm glad I'm not a T

Always Wondering - YES YES YES!!! YES! I 1000% agree! I feel that way about ALL of therapy, like I'm in this weird black box, in the dark, and when I try to ask, "how does this work, what should I do" I get answers that make no sense, "You do whatever you need to!", "Everybody's therapy is different!"--- so not helpful. I feel like I'm supposed to just *guess*, but omg, if one of us has a PHD in "how to therapetize people" and one of us no psych related degrees... then the PHD should be doing *some* level of guiding as to what's necessary/expected.

Maybe I'm just not getting it. If I ever get through therapy, maybe I'll look back on that statement and laugh hysterically at my naivity?

Puzzle Bug 1987 - Aww thanks. I appreciate the kind thoughts, even though it's not an issue that causes you problems personally!

PHEW! Thanks. This has given me alot to think about, as always!