Quote:
Originally Posted by Depletion
I pretty much demanded that of her after a point, and she was like all surprised that people would get all hurt about the non-response. She said that she had never had the problem with anyone else, and then I told her about how everyone here struggles with this all the time.
But yea I think that email boundaries should be negotiated in the first few sessions. And being all mysterious about it is only likely to trigger people and make them feel unsafe.
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Yeah, the surprise about it surprises me too. And confuses me. Maybe I give therapists too much credit?
So in my case, it was similar. I was on the stressful evil work trip. T very kindly emailed me to ask how it was going! "Oh wow! That's super nice! I know most Ts don't reach out like that, I feel really cared about this second!"
I sent him back a response telling him what was going on, and then.... nothing. Hmmm.... it bugged me, but I was busy enough to not dwell on it.
I asked him in session (nicely) if he got my email, and why he didn't respond? And he said that
1. He honestly hadn't thought about responding, or why he didn't, until I asked him
2. He wanted to let me know that he knew the trip was hard for me, and that he cared and was thinking of me
3. He had heard that I was ok, so he wasn't worried any more, I answered his question
4. He didn't want to add more "work" for me, to make me feel like I then had to respond to his email response!
I pointed out to him how I felt (like he had just asked me how I was, then turned around and ignored me when I tried to answer), and again, I was as nice and non-accusatory as I could be... but now I think he came to the conclusion that he shouldn't email me at all (that it would have been better to not send the initial email) - which kind of sucks.
I tried to explain that I didn't need a line-by-line detailed response, but just a line saying that he got my message, some kind of *acknowledgement*.
Anyway - sorry for the long story - the part that resonated was when you said your T was surprised. My T seemed surprised by all this as well. Which surprises me. Maybe everyone else is failing to explain to their Ts the importance of good email etiquette?!?!?!?
I see a new campaign in the works... to get people to speak up to their Ts about this
