Don't be sorry for "going on like this" id feel the same way. The thing is... you have been extremely strong as far as im concerned! I am extremely weak... hell, i even cut to try and get my mind off a headache caused by stress when i can't find any medicine in my house! (granted it was a really bad migraine... but i know i'm pathetic... and its been the first time i've admitted to anyone about doing that....) I've given up on fighting the urge... though i don't cut badly, barely even enough to bleed. I really applaud you for your efforts to fight it! For me... its like... i don't see why not... i know its bad... but i haven't made the connection in my brain on why i shouldn't do it, i guess. But keep being strong! I know you can keep yourself from doing it.... and here is my view about "scars." For me, the scars that i can still see are the reminders of the lessons i've learned from the bad experiences. Not just of what i went through. I need these reminder in order to not get myself into situations that bring me down to doing that. I don't know about you, but i don't view the scars as being bad... they're battle scars.... because as my signature quote says, "sometimes it takes us to the bottom of our misery to understand the truth..." and it is at the bottom when i cut enough to make scars, and it is the bottom where i learn the truth. The reason we cut because our bottom is just that much lower than "normal" people's bottom's (okay, that sounded wrong... lol) but it is that which makes us so much more wise than them. I don't have much else to say without it being rambling, so i guess i'll stop now. I hope some of the things i said make sense and over power whatever they said to you. (((hugs)))
~Julie

"Sometimes it takes us to the bottom of our misery to understand the truth..."
~Gustav Havel - existentialist