That girl who was not being my friend, she wasn't mindful of my feelings awhile ago. We were about to have sex it was all a fluke, I shouldn't had taken it so personally. I blame lack of social contact and experience from the lack of contact for so long. I've had sex many times, and it hurts a lot. Seriously, my mother destroys my social life, I should be out to the party I was invited at. If I had my license, I'd be like **** what my mom says. I'm gone, but it's like have to go talk to someone who only cares about me being at work, when it's not like I'm a rebellious teen in her eyes. I'm fed up of being isolated and self loathing from this abuse of no contact. I'm miserable and stir crazy and talk to random objects have fake relationships to cope.

Finding out now that my fantasy that this girl didn't like me at all, it made me realize connections with anyone is impossible. Currently, my mom doesn't care. I'm ****ing 20 let me grow up... I am not being irresponsible, she makes a ****ing terrible example letting my little sister do what ever the **** she wants and my sister lives on her own. She does more than I ever can do.

Shoot me please.

My emotions are in a trash can being beaten up left and right. I'm a punching bag according to my mom, I'm a piece of **** according to her and obviously I should work work work and be a good boy and never trust me. I gotta be ****ing manipulated to be converted to her miserable world. I can't pay your ****ing bills all the time and you don't trust me to go out. Seriously gtfo.