I want one mood. Not angry, agitated, can't stop fidgeting, "not stepping foot in the hospital, like this", "stay far enough away from me so that I don't lunge at you", morbid suicidal, crying, "The black ocean looks nice and comfy"," try to convince husband he'd be "okay" without me, "there's no point in BP.", "will I/we survive? this winter", "Things will get better", "We should smoke and get **** faced".

Now I'm back "down" WTH, Time seems so slow. How do I look outside myself enough to support my husband through his depression or at least not trigger his depression to be worse?