I am becoming a terrible person. When I get angry or irritated I yell at people and say/do childish mean things. For instance, I was in the bathroom, my nephew was upset accidentally barged in and told me to shut up. So I threw a soiled tissue at him. The argument lasted a while. My grandmother had enough of the noise so she sent him to sit on the balcony in the cold. I tried to reason with him, for some reason trying to justify my actions so he wouldn't catch pneumonia out there. We went back inside where the argument continued and my grandmother told me to go to my room. For some reason don't ask me why, I laughed this maniacal laugh and she got pissed, told me I was just like my self centered immature nephew, which I'm sure is true in some ways. She threatened to put me out, and with my years of resentment and detachment said, "f@ck it" throw me out. My mother then said I cuss too much and I said I don't know how to change it, I don't know. Is it normal to do and say terrible things to each other? When I'm angry, my guard is up and I feel like I have no control over what I do or say. However I know I must take responsibility for it. I love them but I don't feel an emotional attachment to my family. We don't communicate we'll with each other. I'm
definitely not a saint, but I do want us to do better. The fighting and a lot of the communication issues are toxic and it breeds anger and resentment. None of this ***** ever gets resolved.