Scarlet, I know both the heartbreaking pain of loosing an animal family member and the feeling of being torn between my care for my t and my wish to end it all. I told my t of my dilemma (because, in the end, my care for her outweighed my care for myself) and I will tell you what she told me. First, it's important to intervene before it gets to the stage of absolutely not wanting to reach out: tell your t prior to making that final decision. Second, if caring about your t, as well as wanting to abide by your own ethics, prevents youffrom acting, then great - it's a good thing you have those to help guide you away from self destructive behaviour. Your t would want you to reach out now, before it gets worse