It's complicated because you are an alcoholic.

You don't have to be drinking a huge huge huge amount at a time, and you don't have to be drunk consistently every single day or for years to be an alcholic.

You're at the start of that addiction.

If you won't do AA, then start looking for a therapist with an addiction speciality. Seeing as you keep not finding any trauma therapist, you may as well widen the search to help you stop this addiction you've formed.