That's ok, you did good in distracting yourself, nothing wrong with that. It was good that you at least talked about it. A lot came out in what you talked about, even how your T is not going to be around, that in itself is triggering and I have experienced that myself so I know that feeling. You "can" come here though if you need others to lean on, that is also something you are learning to trust. I can also understand being uncomfortable with PMing too, had some bad experiences with that myself. It's important you do whatever you need to feel safe, that is what is important. Certain things are nicer in the open because you can have differing POV's too.